You're right, I have changed

This is something I have heard once or twice directly and then a few more times it was said behind my back, I can only assume it was said lovingly....maybe not.

Oh quick side note, if you are talking negatively about someone else, I ASSURE you, it will get back to them. Further more, something my mom told me when I was a preteen, "if your friend is talking badly about your other friends behind their backs, don't think for one instant that she is not also talking about you behind your back."

I do agree though, you are correct I too think that I have changed. Though I don't feel like I need to make excuses or apologize. I don't really understand why someone saying this about another tends to carry a negative connotation? Isn't the whole point of what we do every day (no matter what it pertains to) to grow and evolve? Is anyone the same person year after year? Would you want to be?

I do think sometimes we get so caught up in our every day life that we don't realize when we are not "growing" or perhaps we are stagnant....and seeing those around you change while you remain the same is what causes you grief. Perhaps instead of turning inward and looking at yourself and your lack of progress, THIS is what makes you negative about the change that others are experiencing...?

Why do we have such a negative attitude about those around us changing? Especially those that we call friends? Change is hard, it is difficult to get out of one's comfort zone, no doubt about it. That being said, I think when you become a parent you really get a first hand look at what happens when someone changes and what that means for you. As a parent, you don't get annoyed when your child changes, sure it can be tough....really tough, but there is so much more pride when you see your little guy or gal learning and growing.  It makes you proud when they do something YOU taught them....AND when they are proud of themselves....it gives a parent such great pleasure to look at them and know that you had an influence on them, that they are doing so well because of what you have done as a parent.

Yet, as we get older we are not as kind to ourselves or those around us. We want our friends, co-workers, those closest to us to stay as they are. Why? Why wouldn't we look at a friend's success and be happy for them? Why do we criticize and steer those closest to us away from what could be very good for them? If you love the person and truly care for them, wouldn't you be willing to sacrifice your being uncomfortable to encourage them? When you speak negatively about a friend or coworker, what are you hoping to gain? What is your intention? Who is it benefitting?

That being said, again, yes I have changed. I am not the same person I was a year ago. A lot has happened in the last year, and that is not an excuse. The things that have happened have not all been positive but they have pushed me in a positive direction. Moving into that direction, in accordance to how I have changed I will add that I am not only a better friend to those closest to me, I am a better wife and mother.

I am sorry to those that say "you've changed" like it is a bad thing. When I think about what I was like a year ago, even six months ago, I was not nearly as happy as I am now. Not even close. I did and said things that I would never do now, I allowed people to say and behave in ways I would never tolerate now. There is no doubt that I have "lost" some of my old friends along the way. I don't personally feel as though that is a bad thing, though on their part they may...I just think we have grown apart....if I have to be at fault, I’m ok with that.

I will be honest, it is hard but when I look at a typical night with past friends, it would usually involve drinks (mmmm, I miss drinks) and gossiping....for a long time....mostly about our other friends or those we knew and their shortcomings! How was I serving you as a friend when I did things like that!? For that I will apologize. I have no interest in doing that any longer and nor do I have any interest in being around people that do.

Again, I think we don't want others to change or we are uncomfortable with their change because it challenges how we feel and see ourselves. Maybe that is where we should start to change first; be supportive of your friends in everything that they do that is beneficial to them. Look for the positive in their situation and not how it is going to affect you, actually BE A FRIEND and know that if their life changing means they need less of you, accept that. Rest assured you have left someone feeling that way in the past too! It is ok!

Be grateful for all the people in your life. I am so grateful for every friend, foe, etc I have had in my life as they have all taught me something,  I wouldn't be where I am today without those people or our interactions. And the next time you say a friend has "changed" I hope it is with a smile on your face because you remember fondly the times you spent together and you are accepting that chapter of your friendship has ended.

Preggo Out

Knock it off already!

Well hear it is folks, I have figured out the secret to get you everything you want in life....read on to hear about the secret and how I figured it out....

I heard somewhere from an Arbonne big wig that, "you can have your dreams or you can have your excuses, you can't have both." 

I have decided to take that to a step that I can understand a tad better, "you can have what you WANT or you can have your excuses, you can't have both."  Now the reason that I changed the word from "dream" to "want" is unfortunately I don't find that people really don't dream any more.  It is actually quite sad.  Instead of dreaming about what we want and making that happen, we have become so much more content with complaining about what we have or don't have that we spend little or no time actually focusing on changing the problem.  We walk around wearing the things that are difficult about our lives and what we dislike as badges on our sleeves.  Have you ever heard or participated in a conversation where it was as though one person was trying to "up" the other about who had more crap to do?  Or whose life was crappier?  Whose job was crappier? 

Daily, people complain about their jobs, about their health, about their weight, about the things they HAVE to do that they don't want to....of course I have been there, I complain, sometimes a lot.  But what I try not to do is complain about the things that I am capable of changing. 

Here it is, what is the ONE AND ONLY thing that is keeping you from being unable to change the things that you dislike...here's the big reveal....you.  Yup, you....you are the only thing that stands in the way of the changes you would like to make or see happen.

A brilliant woman, Tiffany Leclair Conway, the owner of CoCo Cheveuz said once, "life is all about decisions, and each decision is as simple as turning a light on and off."  It is true, every decision is a yes or no in your head; (it's) your feelings, hang ups, responsibilities, that make a decision seem more complicated.  If you want something, you have to decide you are going to have it.  If you hate your job, decide that you are not going to it any more and then make the steps in order for that to happen....if you absolutely cannot change jobs, then change your feelings about it.  That's it.  Plain and simple.  Don't make it more complicated. 

If you complain about the way you look, you don't feel well, you are underweight/overweight, whatever, make up your mind to change it.  Then do it.  Don't complain one day about it, then the next day eat garbage.  If you want to be unhealthy, do it!  In the end no one really cares but you!  No one can care more about what is going on in your life but you.  Sure, we can hope and plead that you do one thing or another but at the end of the day, YOU are the only one that stands in your way from having anything and everything that you want. 

I know there are going to be some people reading this that are going to say, "well, that is easy for you to say but blah diggy blah blah blah...."  My "blahs" are indicating that what comes out of your mouth next matters nothing to me.  It is simply your excuse and whatever other justification you are giving your excuse to keep you in the situation you don't want to be in but are too afraid or unwilling to change.  Stop allowing yourself to sabotage yourself...yes you are...you are sabotaging yourself and getting in your own way of what you really want.....don't like your job?  get a new one.  need more money?  find a way, there is one....where there is a will there is a way....feeling fat?  put down the fork and go for a walk.  too tired to do the dishes?  get off facebook and updating your status, that isn't going to get the dishes washed...it's really not rocket science people....the fact is I would really rather see more people being happy and content with their lives instead of the majority who seem to put negativity out and still have the balls to complain that they aren't getting what they want out of life.

So seriously, KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!  Change what you don't like or please, stop complaining about it. 

Preggo Out

Lessons from a Fat Pregnant Lady

So I am at the restaurant the other day and I am having a hard time squeezing behind this guy that was sitting waaaaayyyyy too far back in his chair....he appeared to be a little rough around the edges and looked like "that guy".  You know, the one that would be all sorts of pissed off if you asked him to push in. 

As I spent the next hour doing  my best not to bump him with my enormo belly or wide ass, I was getting more and more annoyed.  It was so obvious I was having difficulty getting around him, the people he was with could clearly see it too!!  Push your damn chair in!!!!  I was really beginning to think the guy was a major ass and was relieved to see that they were paying their tab and leaving.  I was thinking in my head how I try hard to be conscious of others at all times, at the grocery store, at stop lights and stop signs, in traffic, when my kid is freaking out in public, etc.


My indignant attitude quickly turned into one of sheer embarassment, as this man stood up and put on his ball cap with a purple heart and began limping out.  It was clear as he was standing he had a prosthetic leg (unable to bend it and sit closer to the table for those of you that aren't getting it...)  He said thank you, and told me to have a nice day.  I just tried to smile and hide my embarassment as it was so clear now who the ass truly was.

Now I know we hear stories like this all the time, but it affected me differently especially because I was the one being such a big pooper about the whole thing.  I had already made up in my mind what this guy was like, how he would react to a simple question without any indication of who he was at all.  I completely and unfairly judged him.  Here I was feeling like I was superior because I thought I had such a "giving attittude" and this guy had truly made a sacrifice in a way I would never know or understand. 

This brings me to my next gripe.  I have recently noticed a lot of pissing and moaning on Facebook, my FB friends complaining about seeing people use their food stamps to by lavish groceries.  There was one just the other day about someone watched a guy buy beer, lobster and steak with his food stamps.....of course someone relpied that the guy was also probably driving an Escalade....really? 

Unless you know the person, you don't know what is going on in their life and it is 100% not your place to judge.  First, let's explore how you knew the guy was using Food Stamps.  In Maine, the food stamp credits are placed on a something like a credit card so unless you are watching the person closely, how the hell could you tell what kind of a credit card they were paying with!?  Furthermore, would you want someone watching you as closely while you pay your tally?!  Second, I am not even going to go into the claim that the guy was buying beer with food stamps....it's not possible...so either it wasn't food stamps or the claim was inflated....which is really neither here nor there at the end of the day...it really brings me to, IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!

Perhaps this guy was celebrating his birthday?  an anniversary?  landed a new job?  a nice treat for himself after he just put his dog down?  Do you really think he should have been buying canned green beans and SPAM?  My point is, you don't know his situation so stop trying to get into his business and judge him.  I would hate to for someone judge you should you ever find yourself in his shoes...

As a former social worker, I do know that there are some out there that abuse the system.  That is definitely a character flaw with that person, however it is more of a system issue than anything else.  Opportunist are everywhere waiting to strike when the opportunity arises, focus on changing the system instead of the poor shmuck you don't know anything about at the store....and what the hell, focus on changing your attititude towards complete strangers!


Focus on making life better for others and yours will be better in return.  Thank the universe for it's neccesity to have balance. 

It's been 45 minutes since my last meal, time to eat again.

Preggo Out

Blog?

Started yet another thing I swore I would never do.... A blog.....just trying to remember that if you want something different, you have to do something you've never done.

More interesting posts to follow, promise.


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Location:The OOB