You're right, I have changed

This is something I have heard once or twice directly and then a few more times it was said behind my back, I can only assume it was said lovingly....maybe not.

Oh quick side note, if you are talking negatively about someone else, I ASSURE you, it will get back to them. Further more, something my mom told me when I was a preteen, "if your friend is talking badly about your other friends behind their backs, don't think for one instant that she is not also talking about you behind your back."

I do agree though, you are correct I too think that I have changed. Though I don't feel like I need to make excuses or apologize. I don't really understand why someone saying this about another tends to carry a negative connotation? Isn't the whole point of what we do every day (no matter what it pertains to) to grow and evolve? Is anyone the same person year after year? Would you want to be?

I do think sometimes we get so caught up in our every day life that we don't realize when we are not "growing" or perhaps we are stagnant....and seeing those around you change while you remain the same is what causes you grief. Perhaps instead of turning inward and looking at yourself and your lack of progress, THIS is what makes you negative about the change that others are experiencing...?

Why do we have such a negative attitude about those around us changing? Especially those that we call friends? Change is hard, it is difficult to get out of one's comfort zone, no doubt about it. That being said, I think when you become a parent you really get a first hand look at what happens when someone changes and what that means for you. As a parent, you don't get annoyed when your child changes, sure it can be tough....really tough, but there is so much more pride when you see your little guy or gal learning and growing.  It makes you proud when they do something YOU taught them....AND when they are proud of themselves....it gives a parent such great pleasure to look at them and know that you had an influence on them, that they are doing so well because of what you have done as a parent.

Yet, as we get older we are not as kind to ourselves or those around us. We want our friends, co-workers, those closest to us to stay as they are. Why? Why wouldn't we look at a friend's success and be happy for them? Why do we criticize and steer those closest to us away from what could be very good for them? If you love the person and truly care for them, wouldn't you be willing to sacrifice your being uncomfortable to encourage them? When you speak negatively about a friend or coworker, what are you hoping to gain? What is your intention? Who is it benefitting?

That being said, again, yes I have changed. I am not the same person I was a year ago. A lot has happened in the last year, and that is not an excuse. The things that have happened have not all been positive but they have pushed me in a positive direction. Moving into that direction, in accordance to how I have changed I will add that I am not only a better friend to those closest to me, I am a better wife and mother.

I am sorry to those that say "you've changed" like it is a bad thing. When I think about what I was like a year ago, even six months ago, I was not nearly as happy as I am now. Not even close. I did and said things that I would never do now, I allowed people to say and behave in ways I would never tolerate now. There is no doubt that I have "lost" some of my old friends along the way. I don't personally feel as though that is a bad thing, though on their part they may...I just think we have grown apart....if I have to be at fault, I’m ok with that.

I will be honest, it is hard but when I look at a typical night with past friends, it would usually involve drinks (mmmm, I miss drinks) and gossiping....for a long time....mostly about our other friends or those we knew and their shortcomings! How was I serving you as a friend when I did things like that!? For that I will apologize. I have no interest in doing that any longer and nor do I have any interest in being around people that do.

Again, I think we don't want others to change or we are uncomfortable with their change because it challenges how we feel and see ourselves. Maybe that is where we should start to change first; be supportive of your friends in everything that they do that is beneficial to them. Look for the positive in their situation and not how it is going to affect you, actually BE A FRIEND and know that if their life changing means they need less of you, accept that. Rest assured you have left someone feeling that way in the past too! It is ok!

Be grateful for all the people in your life. I am so grateful for every friend, foe, etc I have had in my life as they have all taught me something,  I wouldn't be where I am today without those people or our interactions. And the next time you say a friend has "changed" I hope it is with a smile on your face because you remember fondly the times you spent together and you are accepting that chapter of your friendship has ended.

Preggo Out